Sadness
Why am I feeling so sad? I am taking my meds but I still feel a gloominess. But, also, a genuine, deep love of family and friends. Feelings that so often stay buried beneath the dry, dead skin cells of my body. Feelings that medications dull. Dulled like a knife pulled across rocks. Ragged metal edges good for little else than spreading butter instead of cutting meats and vegetables. Worthless except for the ability to make folks smile. I cannot get my gumption in place to finish any of tens of projects. I only want to hide in books. Showering feels good but I have to work hard to make myself do it. Just like the rehab exercises that I put off. Truth is pain lingers waiting to attack with the next wrong move. I dread the pain that comes in various degrees. Sunday night's 8 in my left leg. Just laying on my left side was painful. Food is used as a comfort. But the comfort is ...